The Rise of Fiona Fairbanks: From Lab Rat to Synthetic Biology Queen 👑🧬

"They told me I’d never make it. A girl from the slums of Detroit isn’t going to decode the future of life itself. But look at me! Lab coat, Louboutins and building my LEGACY!"

The Beginning: A girl with a dream (and a lot of debt) 💔

When I was born, I was not only born in time, but also in a falling down apartment with roaches as housemates. Still, as a little girl I learned early on that life is not fair. My mom worked three jobs just to keep the lights on. My dad? Let's just say his 'research' used more liquid courage than lab equipment. 🥃 But I had one thing they didn't, I was hungry for science! When I wasn't playing outside with all the kids on the block, I was dumpster diving for old textbooks. I taught myself biology by candlelight.

At sixteen, I got my first lab job: cleaning petri dishes for pennies. I asked the lead researcher if I could shadow him. He laughed, and the rather condescending response? "Sweetheart, stick to the mop." I spent the next three months cleaning the lab. But every time we interacted on lab business, I never lost the opportunity to take a peek at his notes to memorize protocols. 🔬

The Breaking Point: No Money, No Mentor, No Mercy 😤

College? No way. I was working nights as a bartender trying to flirt with creeps at the bar for tips just to afford community college tuition. Then there was one professor that took a special interest in me; until I told to him tell to shove his extra credit. My grades dropped overnight. What a coincidence? But I didn't break...... I built my own f*ing lab in a storage unit to culture bacteria in stolen incubators. (Shhhh🤫).

Then came the next real betrayal. My thesis was about CRISPR-Cas9. I created a breakthrough thesis, only for my advisor to steal it and publish it under his name. I confronted him in tears only for him to hand me a letter of recommendation and a that's the price you have to pay for realization - "No one would believe a dropout over a tenured professor."

The Rebirth: Synthetic Seduction 💋⚗️

I was homeless, heartbroken and sleeping in libraries. All I did was apply for grants on a burner phone. Then it happened; the email. A rogue biotech CEO saw my Reddit posts (yes, really) and funded my lab. Now? I am decoding immortality in heels, turning corporate sharks into putty with just a glance over my glasses. They call me cold. They call me ruthless. Good*.

Because every fing time I hit a pipette, it's a little middle finger to every man who said "Know your place." And baby? My place is on top.* 🚀

P.S. I still bartend sometimes; just to remember who I was. And to remind others who I am now. 🍸